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| Menu | NEWS UPDATE - Aug 7 - I hate Weatherbug Have you seen the popup ad for something called Weatherbug? I have too. Judging by it's name it causes thunderstorms during pool parties and things. Plus it's a bug which means it carries the West Nile virus and will make your brain explode. My birthday is on the ninth so as a present maybe you could try donating so I feel like I have friends and don't just spend all day playing video games and making websites. And for those of you dying to get your grubby little paws on some Neo Ninja stuff it's here. So enjoy till I update again. NEWS UPDATE - Aug 1 - Matté Dead? The only exuse for going this long without an update is that I am dead. I died shortly after making the last update and all the time since then has been used to make a clone of myself who is now complete and better in every way. And I've also been working on a Secret Project which has been exhausting alot of my energy. Mind you this secret project is not complete yet but when Matté and Target get together on a project you can expect good things in the future. Also Flojo has started his own band. It's called the "Neo Ninjas". Flojo, for those of you who didn't know was THE MAN behind the Little Greene Men which kicked some major ass and I hope to have a few songs up soon from this upstart. NEWS UPDATE - June 26 - Taking a breather Well I know it's been a while since my last update, but the important thing is to not overwork myself. Besides I work best when I feel like working. And the more people who donate, the more I update. Donate = Update. All you need is a credit card, or paper money, I'll even take monopoly money. Okay enough about my greed.
In an unexpected turn of events, Germany beat South Korea to get to the finals of the world cup. They will be facing Brazil and the question on everyone's minds is "Where the fuck is America?" We are not a second rate country. We should be the ones winning this world cup thingy. Granted, soccer is one of the most ghetto games in the world, but we're America and we're the best at everything. What is a country insistant on being the dominating super-power to do? The way I see it, we sit back and watch this "football" game (which is what somepeople call soccer), and then whoever wins, we take over thier country. Personally I hope it's Germany so we can have some WWII payback. But the plus side to Brazil is that it's really famished and won't put up much of a fight. Either country would be really easy though, seeing as how you could just throw a bunch of bombs among the children and paint them like soccer balls. That would fool them into kicking them and the BOOM!! Haha now their soccer players and children are in many pieces, and we can have a good laugh as we become number 1 in soccer. Matté out. NEWS UPDATE - June 20 - Traffic Jam According to a new CNN.com investigation, traffic jams waste time. This comes as a shock to many who thought that traffic jams actually sped up your day, making you get to where you were going faster, but not so. According to the study the primary cause of traffic jams is many people in thier cars at a certain hour when they get off work. Personally this fact boggles my mind. I thought the primary cause would be something like parades or ice cream trucks stopping to serve little kids. But people are wasting alot of thier time by sitting in these traffic jams, like the Great Jam of 1812, where motorists could not move thier cars for decades until cars were invented, so I really don't think things are getting worse. I think we'll do just fine. Matté out. (also the links section is up) NEWS UPDATE - June 15 - One Fish, Two Fish, Dead Fish, You Fish Breaking news! Apparently the evil mastermind Dr. Sinister has once again launched an evil plan to destroy the world. Yesterday Dr. Sinister attacked sea life all over the world by dumping "lots and lots" of fish food into the ocean. "Have you ever overfed a fish?" said Sinister, in a live CNN interview, "They die, in case you haven't. So what would happen if I overfed fish all over the world? The answer is obvious. All sea life will die! And I will rule the world." Sinister then burst into maniacal laughter. It is currently estimated that 35 fish have died as a result of the attack so far. Lt. James Gendal of the coast guard had this to say, "We got lucky this time, seeing as how Sinister only had one bag of fish food and only dumped it in one spot, but I think we have all realized the risk that a sea attack poses to the world." Furthermore the U.S. Coast Guard has started a educational program to try to cure the eating disorder most fish possess. When informed of his failure Sinister said "next time..." and disapeared with a puff of smoke. It looks like the earth has avoided yet another crisis, at least for today. Matté out.
NEWS UPDATE - June 12 - The Hot Zone Part 2
If you thought things were hot here, be thankful you don't live in Colorado. Apparently eight different fires are currently burning Colorado to the ground, many of which are not in fireplaces. One in particular called the Hayman fire is about to reach Denver and when it does matches will be "Buy one get one free" seeing as how not many people will be needing them. Over 500 firefighters are fighting the fires and they want even more. The cause of this fire is unknown currently but most experts will agree that it was caused by something catching on fire, and subsequently a hell of a lot of heat. ----This just in---- the cause of the fire has been determined. Apperently some jackass made a campfire and then poured gasoline all over it, himself, and the surrounding trees in a vain attempt to impress his girlfriend. Officials agree that this fire is unstopable. Unstopable for mere humans that is! "We could sacrifice every newborn child to Vulcan, the god of fire, who undoubtedly started this fire out of boredom from high atop Olympus," said some guy who has no importance to this story, "but at such a cost to our youth, I'm not sure if it's worth it." Officials, as a last resort, have called upon Smokey the Bear to extenguish this fire, and teach a valuable lesson to all would-be firestarters at the same time with commercials and flyers. Smokey is still currently busy tying up loose ends at the scene of the Coal Seam fire, which was caused by some underground coal which, despite being underground, burned for several freaking years! Smokey has placed the Hayman fire at the top of his to do list but to quote the bear himself: "Why the hell bother? There's just going to be more of them." Let's hope and pray that Smokey arrives soon. Matté out. NEWS UPDATE - June 10 - Where the hell am I? The question on everyone's mind: Where the hell is that bastard Matté and more importantly our update? The answer which was probably not on everyone's mind: Playing Final Fantasy VII. Sorry but it's more fun than this, seeing as how none of you donate. Which bring me to my subject for the day; money. I've long held a philosophy that perhaps some of you abide by yourselves. "cbaht suhao pavuna ed pinhc y ruma eh ouin bulgad", which is an Al Bhed saying meaning "Spend money before it burns a hole in your pocket". And while this will keep your pants intact and in good working order, you'll soon find yourself a bit strapped for cash, and doing things like selling your body on the street, robbing banks and calling that guy on T.V. who wears the crazy green suit with all the math equations on it. Woe be to any of these three. Not because such actions are detestable, but because they don't work. You're still no better off, if not worse, than before. What can be done to stop this? I don't know, I'm one of those people. Matté out. NEWS UPDATE - June 7 - 100 hits and counting! You can all be very proud because yesterday we hit the 100 hit mark! Mr. 100, I don't know who you are but pat yourself on the back. Actually don't pat it too hard because whoever it said was 99 was actually 100 because it's always one hit behind. Anyway keep visiting guys! If you haven't yet, go visit the Absolut Vodka website. Even if you don't drink it's one hell of a website, and while you technically have to be of legal drinking age to visit, I would strongly recommend it anyway. Well yesterday I went to the zoo, and it was alot different then I remembered it. Some of the things I didn't realize were that in addition to paying for your ticket you had to pay to park as well. But it was only three dollars more and that wasn't a huge problem. I think I could have gotten around paying it were I feeling clever then. Once inside I was reintroduced to a lost world of animals long forgotten by time. Among them were some mofo'in little fuzzy animals, and some big scary animals and even some swimming animals.
The hedgehog! Of course! It's so obvious it's practically beating you in the face with a nailbat. This little guy is full of excitement and energy. If that's not enough, look at how cute he is. I bet he gets all the ladies. He runs around in circles in a frantic attempt to escape his 2' x 2' glass cage, but to no avail. Or maybe he's just a good natured animal who wants to put on a show. If so, well done little friend! Matté out. NEWS UPDATE - June 4 - The Hot Zone Bad news friends. Moreso for me than for you though. My digital camera is now broken. I left it in the car one summer day and apparently the part of it that makes it work melted. So for the time being, it looks like all of our pictures are going to have to come from other places. This doesn't mean that Eyes of a Matté is going to be shutting down or taking a hiatus. Much like the Red Cross I will be taking donations to help the victim of 6-1 (that being the day my camera died) so if you want to hook me up with any of the dead presidents drop me a line at astralanger@hotmail.com (I accept paypal, cash, checks, food stamps and gold dubloons) But really, why is the world so damn hot these days? I think it's this global warming stuff I've been hearing about for most of my life. For those of you not familiar, apparently we are polluting the air and this is somehow making the sun get closer to us or something. But who would want us to get hotter? Why it must be those damn eskimos! They have no way of being warm because where the eskimoes live at the north pole or Antarctica or wherever, it is too cold to even light a fire or turn on a heater. So rather than just take it like men these sissy eskimo types are trying to burn us out of house and home.
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Do you know what this animal
is? It's a racoon of course, right? No! It's a red panda!
I bet you were fooled on that one. This is one of the
animals at the zoo, and boy is it damn lazy. It doesn't
even move when you shout at it, or poke it with sticks or
shoot it. When a ghetto animal! But fear not friends
you'll get your money's worth at the zoo if you hang
around the right animals. I'll give you the inside scoop
on this one, my loyal readers. The animals to avoid are
the lions, cheetahs and gorillas, because I think they
were stolen since they weren't in thier cages when I
went. And the animals that were in thier cages were
pretty lazy for the most part. You'll do alright to visit
the river otters, but if you want to find the real gem,
you're going to have to dig. Dig deep into the far
reaches of the zoo. Look where no animal in his right
mind would dare go, and there my friends you will find
the most exciting animal of all.
Look! This is Antarctica! You thought it was
cold but it is so hot that this youngster is riding as
fast as he can on his motorbike to get to a place with
some air conditioning! And according to reports the world
is getting 10 degrees hotter every day! Could this be the
end of the human race? Will planet earth one day be
called planet sun? Will we all join the boy band 98
Degrees? Perhaps, if we don't act fast. The only thing
that can counter this threat of global warming is a
nuclear winter. I'm sure the two will cancel each other
out and we will all live happily ever after, except with
maybe 3 heads and other sorts of mutations. Some might
argue the fact that we would all be dead, but to them I
say at least we won't be cremated! Matté out.